waiting and taking root

          It is not because I am away I am no longer entitled to guard and disciple my heart. In fact, because I am miles away from my spiritual family, I should do so more and more. It is not easy because I am tempted in every way to be ordinary... to go as the world goes. Nevertheless, I refuse to live a normal life. God has breathed in me new life for His greater glory. Although, my purpose here in Cagayan is not as clear as glass yet, I am thankful because now I am seeing more of God's hand move around the circles I am in. Truly, He is being true in His promise that He will Lead me.

early training

         It was never in my book of dreams to be involved in any athletic activity. Nonetheless, I was encouraged by my co-majors to at least join the tryouts so that our department could be represented. For me swimming is not a conservative sport so I did not really liked the idea. When Liz , a bio freshman, said  that she's  willing to tryout swimming with me, I conceded. We then expressed our interests to our coordinator yet we were not entertained nor consolidated for a while. It was only yesterday that they contacted us and  required us to rush our athlete's application. The shocking thing was that we we're told that we are already part of the team since there were only five of us-swimmers for the whole College of Arts and Sciences. My! Startled by the fact of competing, I rushed this morning to the nearest pool in Carmen and started to test my skill. My goal was to lap 12 times but I suddenly ran out of stamina by the sixth lap... not bad for an amateur. =)

Pilmico Bakers Training 2011

     Last summer of 2011, most of my peers gained weight. Probably a pound of of baby fat, and/or middle age bilbil  are obviously peeking. hehe! I have the same case! Who would not if you had an entire two weeks of breads, cakes and cookies. I am blessed to have experienced Pilmico's bakers training and brought home some baked goodies. In the near future, perhaps I can open a simple coffee shop, or a snack bar. Who knows!
Thank You Pilmico! My Thank You's to Sir Peter for the Peter Collection, Boy Ng for the flat breads, Ma'am Elna Mosqueda for the cookies, Ma'am MJ Lumactod, Ma'am Ritz and the rest of the Quality Control staff. Thank You also to all my batch mates!

Ministry Weekends

     Although it has been a roller coaster ride (changing school address and the like), I still have been able to enjoy travelling and do ministry. June 18-19, God brought me to Tangub City, the home of my roots, to minister and share the gospel to grandparent relatives and cousins.  It was a great experience to witness my family to surrender their lives to Christ. I have only few photos since I was not able to find a computer to charge me ipod. But we were able to share the gospel to 22 persons there! (below is a picture of tatay Isidro receiving Christ) totally awesome!!! 

     

The next weekend, we went to Surigao mines. There we sort of lived very primitive like bathing in the river and making bonfires in the night. This trip was special because my Tita told me to lead the prayer in dedicating their new Hyundai Backhoe. It's another first as a pastor. To God be the Glory!

4: Declaring Dreams

I am a leader. I will win my whole family, my campus, my friends and my nation. I am sold out. I will form my 12 and build my 144 ---(and it does not stop there!) I am going to graduate. I am confident to manage a business. I will be sent.  I am responsible with my finances, my time and the success of my team. I am strong. Warrior chick. I am bold in sharing the gospel. I am a prayerful woman. Fervent and persevering. I am well-kept and with a discipled heart. I am valuable and precious. I am 12x better. I am the head and not the tail. I am the church. I will always yield to Jesus. My words are seasoned with salt. I am generous with encouragement. I am not afraid of relationships and intimacy. I will NEVER be tired. I am dangerous. I am beautiful. Grounded to God's word. Joyful. Humble. Missionary. I am loved by I AM. I am HIS. I am prudent and wise. I am AVAILABLE. Mother. Pastor. Pastor's Wife. Millionaire. Multiplying. I am serious with my Christian walk. I will win the marketplace. I am the dreamer that God is looking for. I love the vision. I have a royal lineage. I will give birth to kings and queens! Those who bless me will be blessed. I am a cleaver. Anointed.  Steward. Fruitful.  I am a LEADER of LEADERS! I am the best cell leader! Best mentor! Best Student. I am on fire. I am in love. I am whole. PURIFIED. SANCTIFIED by HIS BLOOD. Empowered. GRACED. God chaser. Evangelist. YOUTH RELOADER. I will go to many places. Instrument of blessing. SAVED. I am a LEADER. I am a LEADER. I am a LEADER! I love my disciples. I will fight for them.   

3: Fall

What I only liked about fall is its effect on photographs. Very Dramatic. 

Yes, I have missed my dawn moments. I accept that I have been missing the mark. That I have been digressing ministry because I was disappointed. That I have lusted over the good lives of other people. That a few days ago my heart was broken. And I am left with nothing. I am accepting everything. Its useless to let others have the blame. Since I decide when my fall season ends, I say it is finished here and now. Like David and Job---I will let my heart, mind and body be in worship before God. 

2: Allignment

"Apart from me you can do nothing." - God 

1: REBUILD

     How do I find and form my 12? I think the best strategy has already been given and that is to win, consolidate, disciple and send... or is there another way? Nevertheless, I received this word so that I could be guided as a leader. A friend reminded me yesterday that in the vision, "kita ang gina disciple". It sounds odd, but there is truth in it. Looking my back, if not because of my disciples I wouldn't be discipled myself. Today, I am sturdier because of their help. To rebuild God's Kingdom and become an ASSET I must:

@ be intimate with God

“And you, Solomon my son, get to know well your father’s God; serve him with a whole heart and eager mind, for God examines every heart and sees through every motive. If you seek him, he’ll make sure you find him, but if you abandon him, he’ll leave you for good. 
1 Chronicles 28:9

As for you, if you live in my presence as your father David lived, pure in heart and action, living the life I’ve set out for you, attentively obedient to my guidance and judgments, then I’ll back your kingly rule over Israel—make it a sure thing on a sure foundation. The same covenant guarantee I gave to David your father I’m giving to you, namely, ‘You can count on always having a descendant on Israel’s throne.’
2 Chronicles 7:17 and 18

@be intelligent in planning and seeking out strategies

Look sharp now! God has chosen you to build his holy house. Be brave, determined! And do it!”
1 Chronicles 28:10

“Here are the blueprints for the whole project as God gave me to understand it,” David said.
1 Chronicles 28:19

@ be invincible 
invisible-incapable of being conquered or subdued. 

All that Solomon set out to do, from the groundbreaking of The Temple of God to its finish, was now complete.
2chron.8:16


You Levites, form a bodyguard around the king and keep your weapons in hand. Kill anyone who tries to enter the Temple. Stay with the king wherever he goes."2 Chronicles 23:7

*Google Image*

Still

Silver lining

        I cannot deny the fact that writing lets me understand my present circumstances and really SEE what is going through my head. I don't have my brothers melancholic view of things about my college life or my future. I don't even know what my problem is... except for the fact that I have wallowed in self-pity long enough. I have tried to escape many times to prevent me from having to face the problem about my weakening faith. I allowed myself to enjoy more movies than spending time with my BEST FRIEND. I have settled to hope for just the size of a mustard seed. Just the right size, I thought-- to get me out of this gaol. So I am giving myself some Q&A's. Perhaps the situation is not bad as I see it. Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out. So by all means... I have got to dig some more! 


What situation are you in?
        For the moment, I have many school related stuff to settle. There are lab reports that I should have submitted last week but our group failed to do so. Thankfully, we have this Monday. Also, I am unable to come to class anymore for a few times already. I thought I will have to give up Plant Physiology like the rest of my classmates and take it next year if I still have the chance of schooling. But by not coming to class I am not doing what is right... It will look that I am joining a demonstration against my teacher. Moreover, I also think that even if I come to class I would still have a 93% chance of failing or shall I view it as a 7% chance of passing. Molecular Bio is the same but I still am fighting to pass even if it's still bleak. Phycology, Thesis Proposal, Hist50 and Theo131 are subjects I am at peace for now. 


        Family life with BJ is comforting. He went home today and will report some stuff about me (everything he sees and hears). However, I still cannot bear what my parents would say  after hearing that I have options about stopping school. These things I cannot settle quickly. Again, my spiritual eyes seem dim. The best reflection about how my spirit is doing would be my room. It's not very messy but manageable. It burdens me to meet my girls for FEAR that they would see that I have not been good at all.  There are lots of bags here and MISPLACED items. Another problem is that, I haven't got most of their hearts much more their hands. Oh well, this is what I mean of always starting... One day... HIS PROMISES HAVE TO BE FULFILLED.


The best solution would be...
        is to set foot in the present. (Now I understand how ridiculous I sound.) It's understandable that most of these worries are just "what if's" and lame excuses for under-performance.  I see that there are still things I am still fighting for (comforting) and some things I have given up on (sad i know). At best, it is better that I stay at present... looking back to the past often will only paralyzed my walk with the Lord to a pillar of salt, desperation for the future would also cause me to wallow more on unnecessary misery.  so...I should come home to the secret place and HEAR HIS WORDS once again not only write them. Clean up. Eat some food. phew! My thoughts needed this ALIGNMENT with GOD. School matters need to be worked on today. Exams are around the corner so I should be prudent with these. Family thingy may have to wait. With the girls-- I will deal with those I am able to reach for now. 


What was I thinking?
        I am in the best thrill ride of my life now. God has remained:  faithful in spite of my impaired vision. Strong in my weakness. Pure in in my blemishes. Loving despite all things. Above all, He has proven HIMSELF GRACEFUL. He pieced me whole, loved and more confident. Having valleys don't sound so bad after all.    

HS days: rainbow

To smile because a good friend and HS classmate just arrive the country is an UNDERSTATEMENT. 

This is sooo high school. 

I feel...

and after being reminded of DYH...

haha! But the chances that we see each other is bleak. That's just how it goes. 

Nakatawa lang ko sa akong self. 

disciple your heart: you cannot miss your season of formation

Our Hearts Conference last February 14 was a blast! Janice, my daughter gave me a heart wand thing. Sweet! Anyway, I'll be just sharing little glimpses of what I received that day.

From Ptr. JSalem (He shared about the book of RUTH)
@Discipling your heart takes SERIOUSNESS
@Discipling your heart requires GOD's HELP.
@Discipling your heart requires HARD[WORK].
@Discipling your heart requires you to GIVE YOUR RIGHTS TO GOD.
@Discipling your heart need you to be TRANSPARENT TO YOUR LEADER.

To be continued... =)

Spiral downward again?

I'm REALLY heartbroken with all the results I'm receiving from school. I almost texted my parents that I should stop schooling because I feel I am just wasting their money. It's like I'm not giving value to their hardwork. Lies! Lies! I screamed in my head. A tug in heart. The Holy Spirit was comforting me. I was reminded of my devotional:

2 Chronicles 25:9 (New Living Translation) 

Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about all that silver I paid to hire the army of Israel?” The man of God replied, “The Lord is able to give you much more than this!”   

But of course! *thoughts silenced*

UNconsider

                At the start of this year. I told God that I would not consider anyone for a possibility of a romantic relationship or marriage. I said this would be a season for knowing myself better and discovering who I am in Christ. I declared that many dreams would be birthed out this year either long term or short term, along with the fulfillment of His previous promises to me. True to His word, there have been quite a few dreams born proudly on dawn devo's. Recently, God has awakened in me the love for writing and speaking. I even cried my heart out why I had endured Biology all these years. I have this appreciation reading and the arts--them humanities. I love photographs and travelling. I would have been trained better if I were on another course. But no fret, God has HIS way of things. Malipayon gihapon ko. 

               ANYWAY being reminded of this, I am willing to surrender to God all that I consider prematurely important. There is just no room for it yet. With all the college stuff I am into and the KINGDOM AGENDA, I cant afford to lose focus.  

update :)

I'm happy to be back on Facebook a few days ago. Much to my surprise the online community has not changed much. Threads keep on lengthening (as always). Perhaps, I might get used to being absent there unless--

Well, lots have happened this week. Its the start for finals for me, and as usual the midterm grades are coming out. If only I could stretch myself a little further! God says I can. (But can I really?) Everybody else is thinking of giving up. For real, I will not quit this time. My duel with BioChem left me with bloody regrets (when I could have passed). With deep breaths, yes I will push just a little further.

Also after 40 days of not buying anything vain. I finally bought a new phone (myPhone qtv20). I am not used to it yet but having both SUN and SMART made my connections a little bit convenient now. Bringing three phones everyday only stressed me and consumed a lot of time.

At best, the Love Bug has not had its effect on me directly. The turn of events only make me excited every time, especially that the Eagerlz will have HEARTS conference tomorrow. My girls cant wait any longer. haha! hearts!




 
   

dreams

I just recently watched Kari Jobe's first music video (You Are For Me).  When I saw her with the piano I was envious. *sigh. The sight of the piano took my breath away. Once, Bj joked that on my wedding day he'd play the piano while I'm walking the aisle. It was a sure sell. Now, I'm dreaming of having to own one. I know I can't play with it yet, but I'm willing to practice again. Last week, while I was home I read Thompson's Grade One Lessons and I was surprised to still get to read them notes. lol. 

Shifting Sand- Caedmon's call

"Shifting Sand"

Sometimes I believe all the lies 
So I can do the things I should despise 
And every day I am swayed 
By whatever is on my mind 

I hear it all depends on my faith 
So I'm feeling precarious 
The only problem I have with these mysteries 
Is they're so mysterious 

And like a consumer I've been thinking 
If I could just get a bit more 
More than my 15 minutes of faith, 
Then I'd be secure 

(Chorus) 
My faith is like shifting sand 
Changed by every wave 
My faith is like shifting sand 
So I stand on grace 

I've begged you for some proof 
For my Thomas eyes to see 
A slithering staff, a leprous hand 
And lions resting lazily 

A glimpse of your back-side glory 
And this soaked altar going ablaze 
But you know I've seen so much 
I explained it away 

Chorus 

Waters rose as my doubts reigned 
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away 
Found myself standing on your grace 
It'd been there all the time 

(Chorus repeated) 

of dawns

Waking up at dawn is always delighting. Very still. Very Cool. Holy.

I like it that this week were full of these Holy Spirit powered dawns. I wake up at about 1 or 2 am. Waiting on God--- and linger in His presence. I have found out that this is a perfect time for the "secret place". I used to call my afternoons as perfect...but nothing beats the mornings. I like it that many dreams were birthed this week, many persons revealed to pray for. If I could just extend this mornings with God.... The problem is that I had to watch the time since I still have to make school stuff then If I finish, I can fall back to sleep. Nevertheless, this weeks quizzes and study loads came very smoothly. Thank you Jesus.

I passed plant physiology lab but failed my lecture. Deep inside me I know I can still make it. My Phycology needs only a little work to pass, I can manage that. But my Molecular Bio... hmmm.

BTW, I missed to keep my saturday schedule. It's almost time for thesis but I still have some laundrying. And I still have opencell on waitlist. It was postponed because my parents were here Wednesday. Come my last week of January! Im ready for you---by grace!

thank you LORD

*for giving us a room for our Youth to The Nations meetings. We sincerely asked this last year and you finally gave it to us. Praise!
*for the Y2DN leaders: JAS, KENNETH, BJ, SHOBE, AL, JEANNY, MAXINE, JUNDEE =)
*for LANIE's life (she said yes to my invitation) and to all the first timers: HAROLD, AL-, JANINE, ABBY, LUIS, ARVIN, and CEDRIC. May they come back again.

money management

Last year, I took responsibility of booking some of my friends to and fro Manila using my credit card with the promise that they pay me later on. Yes, most of them paid real quick, unfortunately, I had not kept their payments nor recorded them. I just checked their names away and put paid beside it. When Christmas break came, I had to report to my mom these money matters. With no accounting skills (I say skill because it can be learned through practice--my brother says so), I began to be weary and asked myself  "Where has the money gone?".

So there I go- humiliated (for a while only though). With the help of some scattered notes from everywhere (notebook, phone, Ipod, papers, post-its) I was able to account everything. The lesson?

• Record all the money you receive. Include date, amount, and description. Keep it in one notebook.
• Keep receipts if possible. You never know when you might need it. 
• Make sure to pay debts.
• Read about money matters like credit card and savings interests, investments, etc. 

Also, I may have to start a travel agency of my own soon but I still have to study it though. Be blessed!

                                                                                                                                    Sincerely,

January3: wish-Dom

9 Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the best part of everything you produce.
10 Then he will fill your barns with grain,
and your vats will overflow with good wine.

@@don't just wish for wealth-- honor the Lord with what you have now. More will come later.

11 My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
12 For the Lord corrects those he loves,
just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

@@It's good to position yourself to correction. You change. You grow.

13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom,
the one who gains understanding.

@@Start of class na! Will my grades come Screaming for a beating or otherwise?

January2: So you want answers?

1Kings10:2b-3
When she met with Solomon, she talked with him about everything she had on her mind. 3 Solomon had answers for all her questions; nothing was too hard for the king to explain to her

*lots of questions popped up today. Really--Life's getting more complicated every year. Nonethless, God is there to answer! (even the most insignificant things of my life)

January1/ Confirmation of the Declaration

1Kings9:4-6
4 “As for you, if you will follow me with integrity and godliness, as David your father did, obeying all my commands, decrees, and regulations, 5 then I will establish the throne of your dynasty over Israel forever. For I made this promise to your father, David: ‘One of your descendants will always sit on the throne of Israel.’

6 “But if you or your descendants abandon me and disobey the commands and decrees I have given you, and if you serve and worship other gods, 7 then I will uproot Israel from this land that I have given them.

It takes teamwork between father, son and descendants to claim God's promise. It does not matter whether they belong to different generations. If one wants to see God's promise come to pass,then one has to make sure that everyone in the team is keeping God's word.

*Did some business benchmarking today. Observe2 Lang Gud